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[27 Sep 2004|05:24pm] |
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today i got upseti was acting like a complete ass last week and i wanted to say sorry to someone mostly because i felt real bad but also because i didn't know her very well i only talked to her about 2 times anyway so i asked if i could talk to her and i told her that i wouldn't curse because she really doesn't like cursing and that i just wanted to apologize and she said she didn't want to talk to me so i said i just want to apologize and she said to tell a friend of mine and she will tell her that's when i said i don't have anytime for games then she told my friend that a friend of mine told her not to talk to me a male friend and that pissed me off so i called him and he said he didn't say it i was being an asshole last week because just not being able to be with someone that i want to be with just got to me i am 22yrs old and for about 12yrs this has been happening among other things and since i'm older it seems to effect me more i guess because i want it even more now and i still can't seem to get it but everyone i know is i don't understand why i can't get with a female that i connect with it doesn't sound hard at all but i tell you every single female i ever connected with i was never able to get with and it might not seem like a big deal but just for 12yrs have that happen to you and get into relationship's with female''s that you have nothing in common with or that cheat on you or that lie to you or that treats you like shit or that says they love you and never shows it or that hurts you constantly because i have been unfortunate enough to experience all or most of that in every single relationship i have been in and i have been in alot and believe me i don't want to be with someone like that and i never know to i'm with them but because i was never able to be with someone i had a connection with the only other choice's i had was to either not be with anyone and just deal with wanting something that badly and knowing you can't have it or start to not look for anything and just get with the person that likes you and that you like but let me tell you you can't have a relationship just because you like someone and they like you because it won't work you have to have at least something in common or have some type of connection and them liking you isn't a connection but deal with all of that for 12yrs and then tell me if it doesn't seem like a big deal take care everyone
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3 comments  post comment
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| what i want |
[23 Sep 2004|10:26pm] |
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mood |
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 lonely |
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I realized today that i really just want to have a family,kids,and get married,and of cause be loved and love i want all of this so bad just to have a family and be with someone that can understand me i'll put some poems up tomorrow i didn't bring any today
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14 comments post comment
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| ? |
[23 Sep 2004|02:35pm] |
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mood |
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 blah |
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Well i went to school today and i tell you sometimes it's just nice to have that relationship comfort you know,i talked to my ex yesterday someone i haven't talked to for awhile and i really just want to find someone that i can be happy with i have been looking for awhile and not been looking for awhile and still nothing.I don't understand why i can't just find someone it's so very hard to always know that the person that you get along with the most or that you care about the most is the one person you will never be with,but with me that also goes for finding love or relationship's in the most unexpected place i would find that and still be denied any chance of being with them anyway enough about that i would like for anyone who wants to to read my poem's here they go well maybe not today i know all who read this are on the edge of your seat's tomorrow though
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10 comments post comment
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| my luck really suck's |
[21 Sep 2004|12:24pm] |
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hey everybody you know what my luck with females really sucks it's always something i found someone that i have alot in common with and what happens either they are with someone or they just don't want to get with me or they don't want a relationship just something but i always have no problem with getting with females i have nothing in common with females i know won't last what the hell can i do about this?
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62 comments post comment
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| my life |
[27 Jul 2004|11:51am] |
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o.k i'm still new at this but i'm learning anyway i have been feeling very shitty for about 3yrs now i have been in a relationship with someone that changed my life around i mean we just broke up from a 4yrs long distance relationship we both lived in 2 different countries me of cause in the u.s.a and her in u.k she made me believe in soul-mates and love and she made me happy very happy we both fell deeply in love with one another it was really like one of those happy endings in those movies that you see you know those cheesy endings except we didn't walk into the sunset nothing could break us up but after the first year things got alittle bad and then it just got worse i really don't want to get into all of it but anyway she said things that hurt and i also said things that hurt but for some reason she could never see when she was wrong only when i was she could never admit when she was wrong but she was so fast to say when i was she never fought for us she just let things go everytime we had any fights if i didn't call her then we wouldn't talk even if i was right or it wasn't my fault i do have to admit though i was messing up alot in the beginning but she was messing up alot in the end she would say she loved me and never show it i was always fighting for us do anyone know how hard it is when your the only one fighting for a relationship that isn't working i know i'm not the only one i better not be that would really suck anyway i know you might be thinking damn this guy didn't get a clue all the time he was with her believe me i did but i was in love and everybody that was ever in love knows how hard it is to leave someone or realize when they aren't good for you but i loved her so much and like i told you i was messing up too so i just thought maybe it's because i'm still messing up maybe if i do my best to stop then she will i was wrong i know that for awhile i wasn't the best boyfriend in the world but for awhile she wasn't the best girlfriend either and yet i still fought for us i never understood why she never fought for us even when things were good she just didn't fight for us and everytime i asked her why she never fought for us she said she didn't know how or she didn't know here 2 favorite words i love her even now and it's so hard we were even engaged it's so hard to go on with your life after feeling for 4yrs that this is the one your going to be with for the rest of your life i know alot of people have been together longer then 4yrs and have had this happen to them but this was the longest relationship and the most serious i ever had i mean my relationship's use to last for about a week the max afew days the least and that's because i just had bad luck with relationship's or at least choosing the female's i started having relationship's at 13 and since then i always chose the wrong female's either one's that were cheater's or lier's or female's that i have to sneak around to see or that don't want anything serious just want to have sex or that or very far away and the list keep's on going on and on i would like to for once find someone that i can just be with someone that knows about relationship's and knowing how to fight for the one that you care about or love and not give up after one fight i just want a real relationship that's all anyway that's my story for now take care everyone
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66 comments post comment
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| my life |
[27 Jul 2004|11:22am] |
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o.k i'm still new at this but i'm learning anyway i have been feeling very shitty for about 3yrs now i have been in a relationship with someone that changed my life around i mean we just broke up from a 4yrs long distance relationship we both lived in 2 different countries me of cause in the u.s.a and here in u.k she made me believe in soulmates and love and she made me happy very happy we both fell deeply in love with one another it was really like one of those happy endings in those movies that you see you know those cheesy endings except we didn't walk into the sunset nothing could break us up but after the first year things got alittle bad and then it juts got worse i really don't want to get into all of it but anyway she said things that hurt and i also said things that hurt but for some reason she could never see when she was wrong only when i was she could never admit when she was wrong but she was so fast to say when i was she never fought for us she just let things go everytime we had any fights if i didn't call her then we wouldn't talk even if i was right or it wasn't my fault i do have to admit though i was messing up alot in the beginning but she was messing up alot in the end she would say she loved me and never show it i was always fighting for us do anyone know how hard it is when your the onyl one fighting for a relationship that isn't working i know i'm not the only one i better not be that would really suck anyway i know you might be thinking damn this guy didn't get a clue all the time he was with her believe me i did but i loved her so much and like i told you i was messing up too so i just thought maybe it's because i'm still messing up maybe if i do my best to stop then she will i was wrong i know that for awhile i wasn't the best boyfriend in the world but for awhile she wasn't the best girlfriend either and yet i still fought for us i never understood why she never fought for us even when things were good she just didn't fight for us and everytime i asked her why she never fought for us she said she didn't know how or she didn't know here 2 favorite words i love her even now and it's so hard we were even engaged it's so hard to go on with your life after feeling for 4yrs that this is the one your going to be with for the rest of your life i know alot of people have been together longer then 4yrs and have had this happen to them but this was the longest relationship and the most serious i ever had i mean my relationship's use to last for about a week the max afew days the least and that's because i just had bad luck with relationship's or at least choosing the female's i started having relationship's at 13 and since then i always chose the wrong female's either one's that rae cheater's or lier's or female's that i have to sneak around to see or that don't want anything serious just want to have sex or that or very far away and the list goe's on and on i would like to for once find someone that i can just be with someone that knows about relationship's and know's when it's worth fighting and not giving up after of fight i just want a real relationship that's all anyway that's my story for now take care everyone
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[23 Jul 2004|01:18pm] |
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mood |
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blah |
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Hey everybody this is my first time on and as you can see i'm new at it.I don't have nothing to write at the moment but if anyone wants to talk about anything or needs help with anything i would be glad to help,i don't judge anyone so you never have to worry about me judging you on any problem you may com to me with.
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buggsy1982's journal
